Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Traveling Gray Hoodie Strikes Again

I should have known better than to wear my gray hoodie for my business trip to Maine this week. It's just cursed. The last time I wore it traveling I was stuck/delayed all over the place too. Airline travel isn't glam.

Now I know the title of my blog is 'Laugh Every Day' and I honestly try to do that. Attempt to see the silver lining in things and not whine too much. But Monday and Tuesday were honestly the longest days in recent memory. I can't believe I traveled 100 days a year for 5 years.
Here we go. Whinefest 2008- Version 4.0

Monday 3:45 a.m. - Alarm goes off. Beep Beep Beep. Hitting snooze is not an option.

4:40 a.m.- Leave for airport. Coffee in hand.

5:35 a.m. - Security is so darn slow in Wausau that we have to move to the front so we don't miss our flight. People at the front of the line aren't happy with us.

5:40 a.m.- Security runs my pump through 4 times. I was seriously thinking they were going to make me demonstrate with it. Um no.

5:45 a.m. - Damien tries to go through security but forgets his cell phone in his pocket- TWICE. Has to get hand patted.

5:50 a.m.- After I put my 4 buckets through security (Bucket 1- shoes, belt, coat, toiletries. Bucket 2-pump Bucket 3- laptop Bucket 4-laptop bag then my suitcase) I pick up my suitcase to put everything back in and the zipper breaks. I guess after 400 flights it was bound to die sometime. My trusty old Samsonite. I got a little tear in my eye when it went kaput.

6:00 a.m.- I walk to the gate carrying my broken suitcase like a small child. The gate agent hands me a black Hefty bag. Chuck it all in and gate check it to Chicago.

7:00 a.m.- Arrive in Chicago. Deplane in the rain onto the tarmac and grab my wet garbage bag.

7:10 a.m. - Go to Brookstone and drop a benjamin on a lime green suitcase. I know you're jealous!

7:20 a.m.- Try to figure out where to leave an empty suitcase at O'Hare so I won't get pummeled by security. "Unattended bag left by gate F7- GET THE REDHEAD!!' Luckily the nice gentleman at Brookstone took care of it for me.

7:30 a.m.- $10 coffee from Starbucks never tasted so good. Oh yeah- I got the venti.

8:00 a.m. - Delayed in Chicago waiting for a crew change. I can't remember what time we left Chicago.

2:something- Arrive in Portland, Maine. It's rainy and cold. Just like WI. Welcome to the Eastern Time Zone.

3:00 p.m.- Arrive at the hotel.

3:05 p.m.- Change clothes and try to get pretty.

3:30 p.m.- Grab cab to head to downtown Portland for meeting.

4:00 p.m.- 8:30 p.m.- Meetings and dinner. Ok- Dinner was fantastic. Really the one bright spot of the trip. Fresh scallops. And this dark chocolate, caramel, peanut butter torte with cinnamon ice cream. Whoa! The way to my heart and positive attitude is through food!

9:00 p.m. - Back at the hotel- exhausted. Found myself watching the Bachelor thinking 'What are you doing woman- go to bed!

Tuesday - No April foolin'

6:00 a.m. - Up and ready to go.

8:00-12:30 p.m. - Meetings

1:00 p.m. - Chill at the airport with a local beer. (Hey- it's 5 oclock somewhere)

3:00 p.m. - United calls to tell us that our flight isn't leaving at 5:23 it's leaving at 7:31 meaning we'll miss our connection. I leave my delicious (insert sarcasm) plate of nachos to go check our options. How could I leave them you ask? They look simply gourmet.

3:30 p.m. - Standing in line talking to the agent. A man, we'll call him Chuck, sticks his head out of the door and yells at the agent to come help him. So he leaves in the middle of our transaction. Hello? Are you coming back? You were working on something here. Damn you Chuck!
4:00 p.m.- Decide to take AirTran from Portland to Baltimore then switch to Midwest Express to Milwaukee and then to Central Wisconsin. Good times. Love taking 3 flights. Love it! Either that or stay the night and get home at 4 p.m. Wed.
4:01 p.m. - While at the AirTran counter Damien says 'Hey look- a couple old dinosaurs'. I look expecting to see some geriatric travelers. Nope- real dinosaurs.

4:05 p.m.- Damien tells me that he brought the dinosaurs back to a little boy who was crying. He overheard his mom talking on the phone "Oh he's so sick. He's been throwing up and has horrible diarrhea'. As we went up the escalator Damien recounted this story and said, "And then I smelled it. Kid could care less about the dinosaurs when his drawers are full" See- someone is always worse off than you.
4:10 p.m. - Make it through security again with my 4 buckets. Portland, ME is where all the 9/11 terrorists started their day so they are uber security happy. With good reason.

4:45 p.m. - I'm the last one to get on the plane. The gate agent looks at my boarding pass and tells me I wasn't screened properly. Oh come on!! So back to security I go for the pat down, bag swab, luggage rustling urine sample and blood test.

5:00 p.m. - Depart for Baltimore.

6:00 p.m. - Arrive Baltimore. Have to go outside of security to check into Midwest Express. Thrilled.

6:01 p.m. - Find out Midwest Express's computers are down. Can't check in. It's 2008 people. Do you have a disaster relief plan? You have to have some kind of back up.

7:00 p.m. - Get a handwritten boarding pass from the agent. After standing in line for an hour.

7:05 p.m. - Go back through security with my 4 buckets. I'm so done dressing and undressing!

8something- It's eerily quiet at the airport.

8:15 p.m. - Board the plane for Milwaukee.

9:25 p.m. - Land in Milwaukee. Haul tail to our Wausau flight since it leaves at 9:55.

I don't care anymore time - Land in Wausau.

10:55 p.m. - Jam out to some Taylor Swift in the car.

11:40 p.m.- My head hits the pillow. Home sweet home!


Jayne said...

UGH! sounds horrid!

Julie E. said...

OMGOSH girl...what a whirlwind trip!!! BTW-totally LOVE the suitcase! I love reading your blog...thanks for the laugh. :)

Charlotte said...

Sounds awful, but you put such a humorous spin to it all- LOL! Gald your home safe and sound

Melissa S said...

Horribe! Did you really have to do a urine and blood test???? Or was that your sarcastic humor shining through?>?? :)

McFarland Family said...

Well look at it this way, if it was a normal trip and flights were perfect you wouldn't have such a great stroy to tell. It's the little things that make life

Chere Nordstrand said...

Get rid of that hoodie! Glad you are home and it's all over.

Williams Family said...

I agree - it's time for a ritual burning of the hoodie! Or at least a good sage treatment to rid it of its negative travel karma and whatnot.

So sorry you had a nightmare time, but your writing makes it almost sound like fun!